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What is Confidence?
People often find it hard to describe what confidence is, some confuse it with arrogance and others with charisma. When people say ‘she’s confident’, what they usually mean is that ‘She expresses a degree of certainty in social situations’. You see, the antonym of confidence is ‘uncertainty’. When you look at it in this way, we all have something to be certain about, whether it is as simple as being sure that your name is ‘X’ or the fact that you brushed our teeth this morning!
So, how can you cultivate a deeper sense of certainty in your life? I find that it is often as simple as changing the way I look at things. There will always be areas of your life where you are less than certain, but there will be others where you feel totally sure of yourself and at ease and these are the ones that you need to focus on. Another option is to do something about those areas in which you feel uncertain. For every challenge you experience, you are both the problem AND the solution. For instance, I wasn’t filled with confidence about cardio training, so I booked a session with a personal trainer and now I have much more confidence when I walk into the gym.
Some people are concerned about the way they communicate, so they book a session with me in order to improve their communication skills. There is nothing like a bit of training to increase the amount of certainty in your life. Isn’t it funny that we’re taught to read and write at school, yet very few of us are provided with guidance on how best to communicate our ideas, to negotiate or to appease conflict? How different the world would be if this integral facet of life was given more of an emphasis by educational establishments.
One of the best ways to become a confident communicator is to shift your focus away from yourself and how you feel and on to other people. I often say a little prayer before working with a client and ask that I may help them as much as possible; this shifts my focus away from myself and on to my client almost immediately. In this way, I am able to give them my all, and when I do this my ego drops away; I become far removed from myself and my feelings and all that is left is my strong intention to help another. It is only in this way that I can coach with absolute confidence.
If you are one of those people who often walks around lost in your own negative thoughts, a great way to practice externalising your focus would be to really look at the world around you by taking in the sights, smells and sounds of your environment. In doing this, you will break the repetitive pattern of thoughts that are, in part, causing your uncertainty. Another way would be to ask questions in social situations and then to really listen to the responses, whilst taking in everything about the person who is speaking; the tone and timbre of their voice, the expression on their face and the content of their speech.
Once you have become proficient at externalising your focus, I challenge you to confront any fears you have about communicating with others. You can do this by taking yourself out of your usual comfort zone, whilst remaining emotionally detached. Notice your emotions as they surface; view them objectively without labelling them as good or bad, say thank you to them and smile because they are the signal that you are about to grow.
Emotions are just your body’s way of sending you signals; without these signals, how would you know when to change direction? And if you were to stand still all your life, you would stagnate. Nothing would challenge you and without challenges you wouldn’t have the opportunity to grow. So, you see, it is through this detached form of self awareness that you can follow the signs and, in so doing, continue to grow and develop, which is just so important. As William. S Burroughs so famously said ‘When you stop growing, you start dying’. So, face your fears. Do it with faith and emotional detachment and you will soon see your confidence levels beginning to rise.
For further information about confidence,visit: http://www.positivevoice.co.uk
